Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
