I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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