hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
