We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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