I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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