the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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