I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
