were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
