We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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