All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am one with the molecules
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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