You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
