tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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