he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
