I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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