I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
