is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i dont even know how to be here
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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