so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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