legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
