and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
