I didn't shave. On purpose
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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