Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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