the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
