i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
