So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
