i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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