I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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