it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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