new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can Purell be used as lube?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
