At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
