Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
