is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
