just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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