i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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