so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
