You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
