I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
