I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
