if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
