My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
