his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
