you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
