Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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