it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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