Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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