that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
