too bad you live with your parents still
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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