return my video game
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
