Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think i have two assholes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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