My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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