So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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